top o the morning, top o the morning
the one where the gang vehemently defends ted lasso
scroll down to “the pack” for the ted lasso stuff, but if you wanna take the long way, it’ll be worth it
rama: she back in the city!! big ups to the blue couch. now imma pull up and nap on your couch more often, you better have snacks
mars: did someone say benefits???? congrats on going next level with your gig and can’t wait to be at your emmys after party ✨
karen: starting that new gig, the real fun kicks in this month and i’m super proud of you my g ❤️
john and nick: it was great to see y’all and link up like nothing had changed for us. love you two a lot and am blessed to have you around
flying rats: well, all good things gotta come to an end. had a wonderful run as your teammate/coach and playing with not acl, lcl, or pcl in my right knee but as i go into surgery, i just want to say thanks for having me on the squad and remember: don’t talk spicy on the field and that dude definitely looked like simon and garfunkel at the same time ⚽️
joey: umm you got hit by a car and you still out here? you must feel like the .1% of germs that purell can’t kill, glad you getting better g 🚗
yedoye: i dunno if i can talk about it but i just want people to give him big ups when they see him. oh and also...big ups.🤝
grace and jah: no long talk, just love. thanks for coming out and we’ll do another one soon ❤️
james iii: out here making moves...so proud of my dude, let’s gooo 🎨
team trash can: it’s been 11 years...vivi, adam, aaron, matt, mad love to you 🚮
miriam: got a new cord in muay thai and i can’t wait to add you to the bodyguard/competent neuroscientist/homie rotation. she a whole 5’5” and will knock your fitted off your head bucko, don’t mess with us ✊🏾
thanks to y’all readers for hitting me up with nice thoughts on the last loosies. it was an emotional lift but that weight is off me and in the world now. more deep ruminations as time goes on. much love to y’all.
as always, much love to mi novia maria ❤️
be like water.* flow from one perspective to the next, one idea to the next, and move around, through, over, or under any and all blockages. a lot of people are like ice; very rigid, unmoving, but you too can be like water.
*attributed to bruce lee and adrienne maree brown
--
black progress will always be limited by the white imagination not only of blackness but also of their own complicity in oppressive structures.
people of privilege might not be the builders and architects but they are the bricks and beams.
the white imagination is not relegated to white bodies.
misfits by michaela coel
if you are a frequent reader of this newsletter, you know that i love michaela coel. she's one of my favorite creators of all time and her brutal honesty surrounding not just sexual violence but the way that black people are treated in creative spaces has made me feel seen a countless number of times. this book is short, sweet, poetic, honest, raw, and full of the fuckery the industry does constantly. chewing gum and i may destroy you are instant classics and the journey there is both relatable and unacceptable.
we will not cancel us by adrienne maree brown (re-read)
i had a long chat with a friend about the mechanisms of shame and the idea that “shame works” is clearly toxic but so normalized by the culture that people can justify twisted and fucked up behaviors under the guise of social correction. this booklet gets down to business and really reinforces what behaviors we should take when seeking accountability and how the prison industrial complex/punitive logic can be trojan horsed under the guise of accountability. short, simple, to the point, and a good road map.
you are your best thing: vulnerability, shame resilience, and the black experience - tarana burke and brené brown (re-read)
when i first read this, i was not completely in the place to discuss shame; i was, and in some instances still am, not ready to discuss the disastrous lengths but i have gone to bend over backwards to cater to other people's emotions just so i did not have to feel shame. it is a fairly recent book, however it holds a collection of essays that are really in the sequence and edited by burke and brown (which sounds like a kick-ass tnt show). but now that i had some space, and some time to really sit with the essays, i really love all of the stories that were shared and all the vulnerability that was displayed. i am not afraid to be vulnerable in general, however the mechanisms that make me apprehensive around vulnerability, anger, fully feeling emotions, etc are all learned behaviors from coping with unhealed trauma. this book serves to make us feel less alone; specifically black people but loneliness is not colorblind.
against white feminism: notes on disruption - rakia zakaria
“girlboss, gaslight, gatekeep” has become the blueprint for white feminism if what my friends tweets are to be held as gospel (and they should be). if a pattern can be drawn by 3 alliterative words on how a group of people grasps onto power that they feel entitled to in the face of racism, xenophobia, internalized misogyny, unfettered patriarchy, it means too many people have used the cheat code and we need to talk about people with that power. zakaria deconstructs many white feminism-isms in this book about savior complexes, cults of personality, the inability to truly reckon with whiteness, corporatization of feminist ideals, etc and it’s a smooth read from a woc with truly insightful takes. i suggest sitting down with this book and paying close attention to who gets to speak, when they do, and why they think we should listen to them.
identity capitalists: the powerful insiders who exploit diversity to maintain inequality - nancy leong
not going to lie, nancy spazzed in this book. it is so good and it is a perfect encapsulation of the moment that we're living in. capitalism has made everything so difficult to advance so people are literally selling their marginalized identities (non marginalized as well) as a consumable brand but not everyone is selling flat tummy tea; some are selling the very idea of social justice. from everyone from the fab five of queer eye to diamond and silk, this book puts a name, logic, and language to something that i feel like we all have been feeling in a way but couldn’t name due to a fear of it being flipped on us. [redacted], this book about you lmaoooo they stole ya playbook, check your library
holding change: the way of emergence strategy and facilitation mediation - adrienne maree brown
adrienne maree brown is becoming one of my favorite authors next to robert sapolsky, mariam kaba, and kiese laymon. work is taking me away from a lot of the social justice work that i'd like to do; not completely, but enough that this book has sparked my interest in seeking mediation training. i think that something that isn't talked about enough is that call out culture is both a last resort treated as a first resort and a shortcut through a mess of feelings, emotions, uncombed through context. so many times, people ask you to rush to judgment but i think slowing down and looking at both sides has always been a strength of mine and it’s time to give it a shot.
albums to bump:
the melodic blue - baby keem
sometimes i might be introvert - little simz
queen of the south - shaybo
words mean things. use those words to mean the things that they mean please. hyperbole kills honesty.
i swear to god if i hear one more y’all niggas saying “parasocial relationships” instead of “i have an unhealthy attachment to celebrity culture and i am constantly let down by my unattainable perfectionist fantasies of people who are paid to be a consumable brand,” i will lose it
why is steve smith from american dad not in the top ten vocalists conversation
top o the morning
yo dick wolf, lemme make law and order: grief police because niggas out here telling other niggas how to feel about death and shit
nicole kidman is cgi right?
john mulaney got all y’all acting out of pocket and for what? for whomst?
matrix 4 should give out red and blue pills in the theater and tell everyone that red pillers saw a different movie from the blue pillers, everyone goes twice, boom instant profits. warner brothers, hit up scott to wire the money to my account
you think “the activist” on cbs gonna have white rights activist on there?
imagine you tryna promote environmentalism anti-wildfire conditions and the dude who made “let it burn” tells you you’re going home this week
9/11. 20 years bringing “stability” to afghanistan and the moment you pull out, whole shit falls apart. one might ask, what were we really doing
i remember dude telling me “we gotta come together like we did after 9/11!” and just saying “yeah, came together against muslims” and he for real never thought about that in his life
i can’t wear my lisa frank cat onesie ever again smh bad juju
baby keem’s new joint goes up...damn i missed kendrick
***spoilers for up to s2, e8 of ted lasso***
listen.
i try not to have too many opinions on pop culture because it really is to each their own; people really wanna dig a gun in your gut over donda and clb and i’m simply just vibing. however, ted lasso has wormed its way into all of our hearts over the last year and the discourse has gotten ugly because people both want their hyperpositive king and also don't think that who he is realistic.
ok fine. the three things that i don't really like as cliche tropes in ted lasso are 1) white man goes to new place and changes everything there ( which isn't really a cliche tv trope as it is the history of whiteness), 2) white man gets job he is absolutely unqualified for, fails upward/diagonally ( which isn't really a cliche tv trope as it is the history of whiteness), and 3) black lady therapist comes through to solve everybody's problems ( which isn't really a cliche tv trope as it is the history of whiteness).
lord knows, like every pure hater on earth, i tried to find something to dislike about this show but i have to be honest: it is tailor-made for me. about football, an african footballer stands up to a big corporation that ravaged his homeland, genuine people trying to do their best with what they have at their disposal, and an honest portrayal of behind the scenes of being on a sports team. but what i love the most is the deconstruction of masculinity, how it interplays, how it manifests, and how these men are trying to be better...which seems like the internet’s biggest issue with the show...
this brings me to this point:
hating on ted lasso? because it’s too positive??? all y’all miserable niggas just snitched on yourselves
what? how? ok maybe you can’t do all the puns and the midwestern aw shuckery, but for fucks sake where do you get off on “it’s too positive?” could it perchance be because perhaps y’all niggas is so miserable? season had like 4 episodes and people told me “it’s a flop, man” meanwhile y’all telling me to “watch season 7 of the simpsons because that’s when it gets good.” also, any good viewer knows when things are too good to be true, something has got to be there to go through.
ok, lemme chill. i’m buggin. lemme go back to a format before i- and another fucking thing!!! it’s not one size fits all, all these men are hurting for different reasons. all of them. i haven’t seen a show so dedicated to a full tapestry of masculinity and it’s trappings i think ever.
you got roy, perpetually angry and all he knows is football (since the age of 9) so he has to learn lessons about relationships through football. all roy knows is football so when he gets hurt, everything he knows is out the window and has to applied differently. growth, on his terms. you got jamie, a pure mess of dickheaded headassery in a haircut who started off as a pompous dick and has since been truly trying his best daily not to be a narcissist like his toxic and abusive father. growth, on his terms. nate, the underdog, who gets no respect anywhere who finally finds his voice and begins getting too much dip on his chip, becoming a toxic boss and attention hungry maniac. regression, but it’s honest; it’s refreshing compared to all other depictions of toxic masculinity coming from your run-of-the-mill hot dude with abs not texting you back or being violent. higgins, a wellspring of sage advice just trying to do the best and be there for each of his boys. coach beard, a man of few words but also feels relevant as a man who is head over heels for someone who’s bad for him, bad at talking about feelings, and doesn’t reach out for help (i’m worried about him).
and finally, their fearless leader. ted lasso. this man is hurtin hurtin and i know because i recognize myself in him. me, jah, and grace talked about this over brunch: he is in pain and he is taking care of everyone else because something was missing in his life. his positivity is a mask (not quite “ok” from the last loosies, but more like “great”), he constantly is making a joke, bending over backwards to make his boss biscuits, having one on ones with players to make them feel better, tracking people’s progress even when they’re not on his team and got them relegated (see the note to jamie in the s1 finale), and it’s not because it’s who he is-
it’s who he has to be.
ted has to keep moving, keep people pleasing, keep smiling, keep referencing, keep believing because if he doesn’t...he dies.
i suffer from panic attacks. i’m very good at masking them at this point but in college, i suffered frequent dissociations and until about a year ago, i would have a panic attack, ranging from light to mild, once every other week or so. to this day, when i don’t feel like burdening anyone and my therapy appointment is a few days out, i call nycwell, a 24/7 mental health hotline, just to have the panic attack wash all over me with a safe professional. seeing ted in both seasons escape a highly public place to go fall apart somewhere was incredibly relatable.
ted is there for everyone but never himself. i recognize this too. i don’t really celebrate myself; waste of time really. more life to live, more important things, so on, so forth. it was my therapy appointment on my 28th birthday where val hit me with the draco: “if you don’t take care of yourself and you don’t let others take care of you, who takes care of you?” i don’t know about y’all but i wanted to fight her for a sec like “how dare you be right and correct and honest and do your job like this to me on my birthday?”
but she was right, is right, and my mom was right too. she knows how paralyzed with anxiety i get about goings on in the world, guilt, shame, etc and always tells me to look after myself first. i hate doing it. inner monologue constantly: i’ve had friends and family die by suicide, gun violence, and health issues, be abused and harmed, i’ve even had friends not make it onto a ucb house team which is equally terrible if you ask them; why should i focus on me? i need to take care of them. i need to rededicate myself every day to making sure these people here and around the world have the help, support, resources, and friendship that i refuse to even have with myself.
i really resonate with both ted and dr. fieldstone’s diagnoses from their therapists; ted deflects with humor and references, dr. fieldstone with intellectualizing. i do both of these things so either i win or i lose, help me figure this out but what are they deflecting from.
trauma. i seek a world free from pain. it doesn’t exist. especially not for ted lasso. we’re given life with no roadmap but instead a series of emotional and biological reactions to stress and trauma and uploaded with various social norms which are meant to help us navigate life. we (hopefully) learn from that experience and carry on, leaning towards what works for us and leaning away from what doesn’t. i lean away from conflict the same way ted does; try to keep everyone happy because then i’ll be happy, try to run from feelings of despair into feelings of comfort, see the humanity in the world even in its darkest wars.
***spoilers for up to s2, e8 of ted lasso***
in episode 8 of season 2, we learn that ted’s father died by suicide when he was 16. the happy go lucky cuts out for a moment as ted is given what could have been a supervillain origin story but instead chose to be everyone’s hero. this wasn’t a surprise to a lot of viewers as the relationships between fathers and sons are in every corner of this show but it recontextualizes everything ted does. he needs to believe in rom-communism. he needs rebecca to like him. he needs his son to know everything is gonna be alright. he needs roy, jamie, isaac, sam, and nate to see their own potential. he has to make references to ridiculously midwestern things, even if it’s just for himself so someone will smile. those motivations don’t come from nowhere but they manifest everywhere.
hopefully, this admission with dr. fieldstone opens up ted to see his toxic relationship to positivity the same way the show is trying to open up discourse about toxic relationships to masculinity. much like masculinity, not all the positivity is toxic; clearly it’s gone a long way with the team, helping all of them reconnect with the game they all love by building a team together. but we all deserve to be seen, heard, and given space to grow and sometimes the first person who needs to see, hear, and give themselves space is you. and this journey is one i’m willing to follow if it changes even one mind about going to therapy, excavating skeletons, and most importantly believing that they can overcome those things.
if you’re still trying to be a usda certified hater about ted lasso, by all means, go be miserable. i’m kidding of course, not everything is for you, not everything is for me. i think ted lasso is for everyone but i especially think it’s for the men who don’t have positive role models in their lives and sports are their love language. i was chopping it up with nicole about this: some people really think like roy, some people really are like jamie, some are like nate, ted, beard, and the gift that is higgins. if you want to break generational traumas and toxic relationships, sometimes you need to see the better path to take it.
this goes back to my thesis statement for life: if you want growth, you need to be in the right space for it. and ted lasso might be the first building block in building a healthier future for countless young men and hopefully even older men. believe ✨
Shame fucking sucks. I’m a cishetwhitedude still coming to grips with Catholic shame, and it fucking sucks.
Great breakdown on Ted Lasso. APlus material.