post yap clarity
"should i subscribe to joy premium or serotonin with ads"
shout out to immigrant dads watching the middle-east news on two tvs, a motorola razr, a palm pilot, and a leappad rn
to my people who say “you wasn’t outside” because they personally did not see you — do you know how much outside there is????
[that voice, you know the one] yappaholics — real. yap. shit.
LGBTQAnon, is this something? *al*x jones voice* the water’s turning the frogs straight!!!
post-yap clarity hits something crazy, like why did i say that
who am i voting for in november? either natural causes or a strong gust of wind
what if trump looked at the sun in the last eclipse and has been doing the last several years blind
dysfunction junction, what’s your function 🎶
violence is absolutely an option, how do you think we all ended up here
i went to your lane and nobody knew you (go back)
when ge*rge z*mm*rman perishes, i’m hopping out the bed on my stan smith like “good morning usaaaa”
back in my day, thought experiments had more thought
that’s some big hate if you pulling a law out to ban abortions from the 1800s, that shit was just marinating in time, oak barrel incel behavior
i know it’s ACAB but keep it a bean…some of y’all wanna be cops so bad! i stg!! like brother ughhhh, what’s that, grow up, very federal behavior, haram even
fuck subtext, some of you need supertext, I’ve seen U.S. literacy rates
my therapist and my sister gave me the greenlight to start swinging on some of y’all (not you, though you’re good…unless-)
freedom of screech
seen too much comedy that’s like “men be like” or “women be like” when y’all should be like in therapy
[unhinged looney tunes scream] TURN OUT THAT LIGHT
they really used to scare us with “you wouldn’t download a car” like we wouldn’t do that shit in a heartbeat and on dial-up too
it is infinitely easier to destroy and critique than it is to create
tv
x-men 97 - this shit bangs on every single level and i’ve never seen anything go this hard on nostalgia and hit. writing: immaculate. characterization: fantastic. animation: superb. action set pieces: inspired. locked: in.
only 5 episodes in and this gotta be the best thing that marvel’s put out since endgame no bullshit. i’m having a blast and as of this week g*****a was too, goddamn. this gotta be the cuntiest magneto look right? and cyclops is dealing with a lot — many of us would fold in his position, let’s cut the guy some slack.
curb your enthusiasm – larry david you magnificent mf. thanks for the over two decades (shit 3 decades) of laughs and for having the long balls to spin the block on a 26 year old punchline for the finale. susie essman should be an option for siri, rip richard lewis, and jb smoove is such a mf gift. i’ll miss this one so much.
quiet on set - i was bawling when drake bell’s pops was crying because all he wanted to do is be a good dad and you could tell that he and his son were thick as thieves before brian peck slid between them. those shout out to giovonnie and bryan for getting their shit off because upon further review, those shows were so racist to them. and for dan schneider to sit there and be like “i was putting y’all on” is nuts – they had no agency and he used them as props for sick jokes the same way he did with all the girls on all the other shows. oh yeah fuck dan schneider
ngl, drake’s story in the courtroom was very triggering upon watching (iykyk) but to have to do that at 15…madness. inshallah he finds peace and whatever justice looks like for him. he was mad brave to come forward after all these years.
blue eye samurai, mr. and mrs. smith, and the bad batch were pretty good. i wanna dive into fallout and some of the cool stuff happening on dropout (big ups ify for the hosting on ‘um, actually’)
film
letterboxd. still gotta catch monkey man, problemista, and a few others. imma wait for american society of magic niggas to come out on vhs tho.
books (re-reads)
the will to change — seminal work. it’s my opinion that certain swarths of the population only read “all about love” and call it a day because we are romance-pilled as a culture. don’t get me wrong — human connection is absolutely essential, i’m not a romophobe(tm) and all about love is my favorite. but i feel like bell hooks’ other works really dig into the minutiae why masculinity — especially black masculinity — is so poisoned by scarcity, no space for vulnerability, and a lack of emotionally intimate relationships in their lives that aren’t dictated by romance, familial relationships, relationships to other men, etc. a dark part of me wonders if some people actively choose not to engage with this part of the dynamic to maintain an imbalanced status quo where they are both empowered against an oppressive system and can hold on to a victimhood but that’s for next time. also “killing rage” is great, giving that a re-read soon
conflict is not abuse — the final chapter of this book is about media coverage and narrative manipulations in israel and gaza from 2014 — coincidentally the year i got more actively invested the goings-on there and my graduation year from uni. schulman uses social media and a clear timeline to dig into cause and effect of what happened in gaza in 2014. this book saved my life when i needed it and it continues to bang during the unending barrage on gaza and how our media landscape plays such a pivotal role in the narrative around it — one of my next pieces will be using this book as a framework. sarah schulman is required reading about conflict, repair, and harm reduction but this chapter (given everything) was very well laid out imo
a snippet about the flipping of the script on gazans in 2014:
music
i been struggling with music — i’ve been trying to get into a groove but the soundscape is nuts rn. everyone and they mama got a flash drive, tryna hop on CDJs and i didn’t do 13 years of work in the trenches (aka weddings, college parties, dive bars, and house parties in homes with questionable foundational integrity) to feel back at the bottom.
i’ll upload mixes here and on soundcloud as I work through that but still— open for booking.
we don’t trust you + we still don’t trust you - future, metro boomin
any amapiano (i fw uncle waffles the long way)
mr. morale and the big steppers - kendrick lamar
falling or flying - jorja smith
all of my chem’s discography
stay with me - miki matsubara (getting into some japanese city pop again)
split decision — dave + central cee
maliba - fatoumata diawara
tyla - tyla
cowboy carter - beyoncé
long-form writing
i have written a lot in the last year — several features, some pilots, a treatment. on top of strike duties, i wrote for me — that’s how all this started anyway. i tried to write outside of my comfort zone (comedy) and my main medium (yapping).
one thing i’m willing to share is a marvel’s what if spec script — might host for people to read, lemme know if that interests you
gonna try something new here: the stage don’t call to me the way it used to — i always wanted to be more polished but i be overthinking too much so i’m gonna be vulnerable and share rough drafts. still writing to keep the muscles active. so here’s some thoughts (transcribed):
i hate when comedians call other comedians their “opp” you’re telling me your opp is a silly little guy? a clown? a jester? a creature of whimsy? a professional dumbass? a sensitive soul with a streak of self-delusion that their jokes and personality alone will get them out of the hood?
look, i don’t wanna come off as flippant but if that’s your opp, kill them. walk ‘em down. i’m deadass; pop the trunk on the clown car, spin the block with 2-25 of your friends (I hear the vehicles are very spacious), and turn ol goofball mcgee into a bagel or spray him with seltzer.
“they was bucking shots-” i grew up when rappers killed each other off the strength — stick to the heehees and hahas and keep it pushing like your “opp’s” hairline. opps…
totally fine to not like someone, not wanna tolerate disrespect but be for real: if your sworn enemy is goofball then both of y’all looky goofy. get the hyuck out of here with that
i’m tired of subscription models for everything — soon we gonna have to subscribe to dopamine and serotonin.
can you imagine having a great day and then getting your kneecaps shattered by Big Neuro™️ because your card declined?
walking down the block they turn off the gravity and you get sucked into space because your last situationship changed the password to StayGrounded Premium?
the rapture is just gonna be us dying like switch in the matrix when cypher pulled the plug because the last credit card expired and we ain’t update the billing information
no one knows you like your algorithm. if your algorithm on IG and tiktok sends you ads like “are you tired of being a big ol bitch? try this new ______,” perhaps, perchance, maybe, you be doing big ol bitch shopping habits and general behaviors online. only person you can be mad at is you.
people hate being percieved and i get it. but the algorithm been watching us for years on some black mirror shit, they could just print another us. but that’s okay because…everyone’s a little self-absorbed. i’ll say it — we be on our own dicks a little too much. a lot of people out here like “why am I single?” 3d print a version of yourself and go on a date with them, there’s your answer.
deadass, get a 3d dot matrix printer and just date your algo (alga? algx?). the algorithm is literally tailor made for you — it knows your wants, your needs, you dark secrets, your light ones. can’t get lovebombed by the algo — that’s you! you fall out of love with you, that’s literally a you problem. skill issue, love yourself.
you know that your life is going terrible when your targeted ads are for betterhelp, linkedin, and bluechew; algo screaming through a megaphone “get some help, get a job, and get some bitches.” we need an alexa that just negs you into becoming someone else entirely —
and less funny and more a realio dealio thought:
echo chambers have become echo fortresses. like 2016 was scary right — niggas was skipping to the polls, pokémon going to the polls, thinking that because the 4000 wingdings they circlejerked with online for 8 months all agreed that one dude was bad and evil and the other was a very qualified
girlbosswomanboss who had what it took to lead thebrutal trigger happy colonial empire with a penchant for indigenous bloodcountry, that we were going to win…welp.i don’t gotta explain. but in the eight years since…it’s so much worse. people have learned no lessons in online etiquette, a combination of AI fake news, an inability for people decide not to die on a hill, and a failure of education to genuinely teach media literacy, the difference between banal and malignant dissent, and a culture war with a vast digital no mans land in between. well actually, it’s a lot of men, mostly men but you get the point.
this makes 2024’s election cycle terrifying to me because we’ve either curated our online experience into “this sign can’t stop me because i can’t read” in real life or had our experiences curated for us by a digital overlord. either way, mad spooky.
it’s essential now more than ever that we collectively define truths, have hard conversations, stop trying to moralize from a digital pulpit, and find safe ways into sticky conversations
we need more than one side and another side — we need a secret third side: a collective truth. used the pythagorean theorem on accident, i gotta venmo mrs. quaint.
aiche — sis, i’ve seen you grow so much over the last few years and i know i’m the big bro but i look up to you. so proud of you always.
ashley – thank you for being my sister and letting me be another sibling in the family (and ari, too) that’s it, i text you this all the time lmao
vivian — rough start to the year but i’m so proud of the bounce back, one day at a time
jah and grace – i don’t see you (and ray) enough but every time i think of you two, i smile like a fkn idiot. this summer, we outside again.
mars – you’re brilliant and whatever creative relationship we got shaking rn, however it comes together, we sticking with it till the wheels fall off
yedoye, sima, rufat – yedoye, i know you pretty well but it’s been really dope to meet toronto’s finest and my new favorite christian rapper
jon and haley - y’all are mad special and i’m very lucky to know you
zubi – thanks for inviting me to your home for iftar this year and letting me share some west african food with the gang. in a world of trifling muslim comics, mashallah you’re not one of them. it’s the real new yorker in you
lucas and nour – just glaaaaaa- love you two a lot and this muslim siblinghood we got only sweetens the deal. inshallah we pulling others into the religion, trust
claire – my dear queer cinema and soccer excursion buddy who be sewing in the theatre: never change
leah – you locked that gig in and i know you tryna be outside now – this summer about to be a blast — can’t wait to not go to the reunion
jordana – produced the hell out that peabody podcast, so proud of you. my one stop shop for all reesa teesaology too, what can’t you do
karen – it makes me genuinely so happy to see how much you fw skating and the activation y’all did for palestine was dope to see come together
the fellas – shout out to pauly thinking oj da juiceman perished and jordan for keeping the loony bin locked down with the jokes
amelia – imma buy a house from you ong, mid-century, i need all the segregation aesthetics, gimme a cuban uncle decor type beat
matt spelich – i appreciate you so much g; you’re so smart and talented, patient and prescient, and every conversation i have with you makes me feel better.
nicole and bianca: …the audacité to dj a party with no experience is only matched by how quickly y’all got good at transitions…proud father over here
jennie – congrats on the new gig at levity, i’m happy you’re happy and happy that we been working together for 7 years. no regrets at all
khitam – so proud of the work you’ve done with “yerham” and can’t wait to see what it evolves into for you
my mf new york knickerbockers: you already know. no. 2 in the east we ballin big baby 🏀
other pubs:
tim barnes — one of the sweetest dudes out, got a cool star wars pod, another pod, and his own comedy newsletter; man works dumb hard!!!
donwill — a don in every sense, go look at dude’s substack, full of gems about music
woke scientist — honestly she’s the truth. dr. ayesha khan has been putting out dope work for the last few years and is so rigorous in her research, she deserves her flowers now. tap in, stay informed, fake healers beware — a real healer’s here
posting mondays and thursdays keep it locked, love u
MORE OF THIS PLZ <3
ILY <3